Posted in Health, Home Life, Uncategorized

What Have I Done?

 

So…I did something bad.

My husband and I have been gluten-free for a little over two years now. We decided to try this diet when I first started getting sick after we got married (if you are morbidly curious, here is a link to The New Normal). We decided to stick with this diet when we discovered that my beloved hubby swelled up like a balloon on our first “cheat day”. Since then, we have also discovered that gluten has a tendency to trigger my migraines. Both of us being gluten-sensitive has turned out for the best though, because neither of us cheat in order to not tempt the other.

Since that time, I have also discovered that sugar also triggers my migraines (shocker, I know). I have spent the past three weeks trying to be as naturally sugar-free as I can without going crazy about it. Life is too short to worry about how much sugar is in peanut butter (can I get an amen?). If my body wants sugar, I eat a piece of fruit.

That being said…I ate a Reese’s cup instead of the cute little orange in my jacket pocket. It was not a violation of my gluten-free rule, but it is obviously not an apple or kiwi. But dare I say, I think I am okay; no headache and no aura.

The trick that I am trying to learn with sugar is moderation, but that is hard considering how addictive it is. As I wrote earlier, I mostly get my sugars from fruit. If my body is going to get a blast of sugar, then it is going to have to digest the fiber that naturally goes along with it and evens it out.

I am a work in progress, and that is okay. I ate a Reese’s cup, and I think that is okay too. However, a migraine-free Reese’s cup is no excuse to not continue caring for my body.

Next experiment: caffeine.

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Posted in Health, Home Life, Uncategorized

Friday the 13th

Learning to take care of myself physically is emotionally exhausting.

I am your typical OCD perfectionist. Pushing myself to do the best is where I get the extent of my exercise. It is difficult for me to a) do work that I know is not my best and b) to not do work at all.

I still have my job, just in case I scared somebody. However, yesterday was my first ‘First Day’ of a semester that I am not involved in. As much as I desperately wanted to get back in school from my nice little medical leave, I had to accept the fact that I am simply not ready.

For the previous two and a half years, I listened to my body when it was demanding me to stop and tried my best to not make the rest of me stop along with it. That was life: go until I couldn’t any more. In the process, I had maimed the only part of me that I thought I could control.

School work has never been un-doable for me. On the inverse, it was very easy. I sat through class, took notes, and studied a little before tests. But by not listening to my body, I have slowly destroyed my mind. Sentences are harder to put together and words do not come easy anymore. My sickness has robbed me of my beloved education and I long for the days where my mind was clear.

If I have learned anything from this experience thus far, is to cherish the opportunities that I have every day. I may not be my old self yet, but I am here. I have a wonderful life that I am living each day, even if I struggle.

And on those days where I just can’t seem to have as much faith and hope as I need, God is merciful enough to send a few mourning doves my way.

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Posted in Culture, Health, Home Life, Uncategorized

A Merry Little New Year

Today is the first official Arkansas snow day of 2017. I am currently sitting in my office at work, because snow can’t stop a lady from working when she is within walking distance. However, everyone else is pretty much out of school and out of work, as it is a lovely day to sit around and drink hot chocolate.

Having finished my regular work duties, it is now time for me to try to catch up on le blog. Something I have been thinking about lately (mainly to the credit of social media) is how much the holy trinity of holidays mean to everyone: Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years.

This time of year is marketed to be so happy and perfect. Expectations are high for a lot of people to give the best gift or set the loveliest place-setting. Individuals are supposed to be blissfully joyful as soon as the calendar flips to when Thanksgiving Day is in view. Dinner is made, trees go up, and a new year is within sight.

In reality, I look around and see broken people trying their best to keep their chins up in the midst of a broken world.

It is no secret that I struggle with perfectionism; you can ask my parents, my husband, my teachers. The trick is learning to recognize the things that I cannot change and how they influence how I feel. So, I guess this article is my first step to rehabilitation.

I see that the holiday season causes stress and discomfort for many who so desperately long for the simple joys of what the holidays portray. Relationships are strained because of unnecessary financial burdens, children jealously quarrel over everything and nothing at the same time, and people are just plain unpleasant in general. Not only this, but then you are expected to take a beautiful picture of your perfect family to put on the holy trinity of social media (Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter).

How can I prevent these negative attitudes in my marriage? How do I keep my future children from being horrible human beings? How can I prevent splitting myself into two separate beings (public and private) for the sake of people I don’t even see every decade to view on a computer? And is there a way to get a good picture for Facebook without destroying my family’s trust and intimacy?

I know. I know. I’m Debbie-downer today. It seems silly, but these things really bother me. I’ve prayed a lot about this and I keep coming back to one word: contentment. God expects me to be content with His love, His provision, and the future He has in store for me. Some days this is easy, but most days I endlessly struggle. Thankfully, my relationship with God does not depend on how much I trust Him on a daily basis, and that in itself is proof of what an awesome God I serve.

I am learning that I am asking the wrong questions. Instead of worrying about the potential negativity and heartache in my future, I should be focused on the present.

Is God enough?

Until I can answer this question with absolute certainty, I will never be content with my marriage, my family, or my social status. The catch is that I have to examine myself every second of every day. It is easy to remember me, but God is the one who ultimately provides satisfaction and purpose.

 

On a lighter note, please enjoy this picture of my husband who thinks he looks just like Groucho Marx…

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